Why Art

It didn’t just make sense, it felt like my life’s purpose–the confluence of who I was (could be and am), and what I did (truly wanted to do forever). Growing up, I showed a proclivity for art–making things; drawing; creating; tinkering. I spent hours on end playing outside, reading encyclopedias, and creating whatever my imagination compelled me to when inspiration struck. I had toys and video games which I loved, but I remember art always held a special place in my heart. It was a means of catharsis and self soothing, and it helped me feel exceptional because I received praise for my obvious talent.

As an adult who has received acclaim for my creative practice, I find it ironic that while growing up I didn’t consistently feel seen and celebrated for my creativity. I was certainly exposed to a great deal of art and art making opportunities, but I was also often chastised for rifling through my mom or grandmother’s craft supplies and bringing my musings to life.

I grew up in the nineties and early two thousands. Technology shifted exponentially before my eyes but we weren’t as nestled in the latest creative age during my adolescence as we would be in my early adulthood. For this and many other reasons, I didn’t see a clear path for myself to becoming a successful visual artist. My family has always championed education and chasing ones’ dreams, but becoming a “starving artist” wasn’t exactly the move.

I initially chose a more “conventional” path, electing to pursue counseling–specifically adolescent addictions counseling by way of an interesting sequence of events and choices. That lasted for only so long. I was moonlighting as an avid theatre and cabaret performer, taking on visual art commissions here and there, and adjusting my posture in seemingly myriad ways, but especially as a creative, all while negotiating burnout and overwhelm in workplace that grew increasingly hostile and unfulfilling. Furthermore, my clients had become incredibly vocal to me about their suspicions there was more for me out there and that I was too talented to be relegated to the work I was doing any longer.

At a certain point I decided I was going to be sustained by what I am passionate about; art. I had long understood and been recognized for my talent, and figured betting on myself was what I needed to do. I used to tell people I took a bit of a passive segue into full-time artistry, but doing so minimizes the work I had done to meet a fleeting moment when a friend submitted work I had planned to get rid of to a curator behind my back, and I was invited to participate in a group exhibition that significantly altered my trajectory. And that’s the thing; I had been making art; been experimenting and exploring different medium, techniques, and compositions.

I was able to walk away from eight and a half years in adolescent addictions counseling and enter full-time artistry because I decided that was what I needed to do to live more authentically and in alignment with my purpose as I understood it. A dear friend gifted me a book I have often gifted to others as a means to pay it forward; “The Crossroads of Should And Must: Find and Follow Your Passion,” by Ella Luna. I have read and re-read it at least a dozen times by now. It’s a beautiful reminder of why I chose to listen to the inner voice that demanded I honor it and follow my dreams.